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I love the nights in this city…the narrow overcrowded pavements…humdrum…umbrellas jostling each other…and the possibility that one of those rods will poke you in the eye any moment now...:|

I loved last night.
The wet streets reflecting the yellow lights…the cool air...the speeding cab..
The solitude…and the togetherness…

It is all gone now…the way you held me and told me you’d be there forever….it all is a distant memory…
Like one of those dreams that make you wake up smiling and you don’t know why…

I hate sunday afternoons…gloomy and lethargic... with the promise of a monday...
Or maybe because they are family times everywhere…and I dread them…
The family has been reduced to three now…all subconsciously blaming each other for the loss/gain…

Families scare me…with their scope of breaking up…
People scare me….with their chances of changing…
Relationships scare me most…because they inevitably hurt…

I should stop caring about loads of things…because nobody else cares about them either..
And this will help hurt less when… later, but surely…my world falls apart…

Stop caring about being judgemental…apprehensive…pessimistic…misunderstood...
How can one even expect understanding?? I mean, why somebody out there would even bother to understand stumps me…!!

People have separate lives…separate ambitions…
And they are forced to make separate choices…
Their not being me doesn’t make them any less wonderful..

I am scared of these thoughts as well… and i’m tired of wanting you to ward them off…and tired of wanting to stay wrapped up in your arms forever...i’m tired of being dependant on you for every little thing……
I’m scared that one day…you will be too…

I always thought Bollywood made this huge deal about how magnificently screwed children of broken families can be… i’m getting there… LOL..


I am forever weak…and unreasonable…and insecure...and needy…
Thanks for bearing with me.